annoyed.
really annoyed.
super duper annoyed.
why do people get jealous? when i search the meaning of "jealous" on google, this comes out.
feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.
and why is my topic about jealousy today? you can already guess.
the thing about jealousy is that if you are not attached with a certain person, you have no rights to get jealous when that certain person is together with someone else (be it dating, or just simply hanging out.) no rights, or in my language, walang karapatan.
then why do we get jealous? is it because we just simply care for the person or we're possessive? it can be both answers. so today, i did not exactly get jealous. i just realized something when someone blurted out something that wasn't even supposed to harm anyone.
"wah, then you can text your girlfriend until 2 in the morning."
i told myself a long time ago that he won't hurt me ever again. i'll forget everything that happened between the two of us and just move on with life. now that reality struck me hard, it's impossible to do such a thing. "lock it and throw away the key," they say. but what they don't realize, that throwing away that precious key is easier said than done. saying sorrys won't help. because when you try to pull out a pin from a cork board, the cork board will still have a whole.
that sentence above that a certain person said made me realize that it's easy for a guy to get over a girl. but it's 10 times harder for the opposite sex. you can try getting hurt, and see who heals faster. i told myself that, perhaps i was too boring. too sensitive. too everything. but society just hurts everyone. you just got to stand up. no one's going to pick you up.
that sentence above made me think about how we used to be, and when the person said that line, i stopped laughing and stopped reacting to everything that was happening. but what i didn't know until now is that i've been doing a crime myself. i'm denying myself and i keep on telling that it'll be fine, but it won't and never will be.
why green then? simply because everyone uses the phrase "green with envy."
for a second i felt envious of that special 2am girlfriend of his. i felt envious because i was never really there for him. it's annoying to know that you can't really do anything to help that special someone. and it hurts when you know that that someone is ignoring you, thinking that you don't even care.
i got over it. when i saw him today, no emotions were let out. it was really as if nothing happened between us. i didn't react when he kept on texting on his phone (i usually did and all the negative thoughts will come to my mind). i thought, "wow, i've been doing a good job forgetting stuff." But no, not at all. The best memories will never be forgotten. Not now, not ever. and so i was green. not because i wanted to puke, but because for the first time, i admit that i was jealous.
i am the jealous type after all.
@maryxtinylamb