flawed

** warning; this will all be words and talk. i'm not some fashion blogger with a million pictures so if you're disappointed that there's no pictures then you can stop reading here.


i've heard so many stories about people gossiping behind my back about how attention-seeking i am, or that i'm way too clingy.

i know alot of things. i know myself. i know what people think of me. the person that knows me the most is obviously myself. i know that i'm clingy, i know that i'm sensitive, i know i depend on people too much, and i especially know that i'm attention-seeking. if you think so too, judge me all you want. i don't want to hear any of it. changed your view of me? i don't care. because i already know what kind of person i am. i know what i'm capable of and what i am not.

i crave attention and i'm clingy cause i'm always feeling lonely. but you might be wondering "wtf you have so many friends how many more do you want to not feel lonely?" it's not the number of friends you have, but if your friends actually understand how you actually feel. yeah, i may have a ton of friends but it takes the right ones to fully understand you and be there for you.

i'm sensitive. because i just am. i'm that kind of person. if you can't take my shit, if you can't take my seriousness you can walk away. no one is stopping you. sometimes i take the lightest jokes too seriously. i can be easily offended. it has happened before.

bliz called me sensitive, that's why he gave up on me.
i didn't want the same thing to happen again.
guess i made it happen again.

"you can't be sensitive, you must be sensible," a friend said to me. i admit i can be really insensible sometimes. i'm sometimes unaware of what's going on cause i'm too focused on myself and my weaknesses, my own problems and mental instability. i'm always trying to be, i sometimes try to forget about myself and forget about all my worries just to focus on someone and help him or her.

i know my own flaws, and i know that i'm way too broken and dependent on people. i know that i'm always craving for attention, that's why i'm always needing someone. it's not a matter of just saying that you'll be there, but also if you will actually listen, give advice, feel empathy and not sympathy.


honestly i forgot why i even made a point to write this in the first place. staring into space, thinking of what happened on 16/5. i went off topic again, i guess.