to hold on or to let go?

everyone will soon reach this point where you have to make a decision of either holding on or letting go to something, be it friendship or relationship, material things or pets. one day your pet's gonna die and you have to face it. what would you do then?

I'm that type of person that never lets go.
i dislike change, i dislike the breaking of bonds and friendship because everything about those are just so meaningful. i get fearful when people change. i get fearful when friends start to drift away, especially if they're someone really really dear to you. no more everyday texts, no more morning messages, no more skype calls, etc.

i admit that i have tried holding on to friendships, afraid to let go. so afraid that sometimes the friendship just seems forced. you tell yourself "i wait, because it's worth it." believe me, i tell myself this every single day. friendships are so unstable and unpredictable, you never know when everything will just shatter and be forgotten.

same goes for relationships. let's say you have these two friends. they've been dating for almost 3 years, and suddenly they just break up out of the blue. even as a friend or a bystander, you'll feel really bad and shocked, being like "what?". You'd think that they would never ever breakup since they had such an unbreakable bond. but what happened in between? only they will know.

this leads to decision making of either holding on or letting go. you may have been holding onto something until you tire yourself out, leading yourself to helplessly let go. Or, vice versa, where you let go too early without even trying. Then you realise that you let go too easily, leading you to holding onto it again.

it really depends. sometimes if the other party doesn't make any effort, maybe it's really just time to let your hands free from the rope, and i should be telling this to myself as well. when you find yourself doing most of the work in a relationship or a friendship, it may be an orange light dear. if you see yourself struggling, if you see yourself getting blue ticked or even grey ticked, well it's time for a talk. a talk with the person about your struggles in the friendship and how it feels strained (unless you're okay with it.)

i have a friend that used to say, "it takes two hands two clap." friendships are forever shaky and unstable, but it really depends if you share the load and have mutual feelings towards each other. if not, i tell you nothing will work out. of course there are others where hope is clear in friendship. when the two parties just never give up on each other. that's definitely something worth keeping.
i know i have unstable friendships going on now, but they're somehow still surviving because we're all still holding on.


at the end of the day it's still your friendship, your judgment. to hold on or to let go, it's all your decisions. goodnight :)


@maryxtinylamb
 

flawed

** warning; this will all be words and talk. i'm not some fashion blogger with a million pictures so if you're disappointed that there's no pictures then you can stop reading here.


i've heard so many stories about people gossiping behind my back about how attention-seeking i am, or that i'm way too clingy.

i know alot of things. i know myself. i know what people think of me. the person that knows me the most is obviously myself. i know that i'm clingy, i know that i'm sensitive, i know i depend on people too much, and i especially know that i'm attention-seeking. if you think so too, judge me all you want. i don't want to hear any of it. changed your view of me? i don't care. because i already know what kind of person i am. i know what i'm capable of and what i am not.

i crave attention and i'm clingy cause i'm always feeling lonely. but you might be wondering "wtf you have so many friends how many more do you want to not feel lonely?" it's not the number of friends you have, but if your friends actually understand how you actually feel. yeah, i may have a ton of friends but it takes the right ones to fully understand you and be there for you.

i'm sensitive. because i just am. i'm that kind of person. if you can't take my shit, if you can't take my seriousness you can walk away. no one is stopping you. sometimes i take the lightest jokes too seriously. i can be easily offended. it has happened before.

bliz called me sensitive, that's why he gave up on me.
i didn't want the same thing to happen again.
guess i made it happen again.

"you can't be sensitive, you must be sensible," a friend said to me. i admit i can be really insensible sometimes. i'm sometimes unaware of what's going on cause i'm too focused on myself and my weaknesses, my own problems and mental instability. i'm always trying to be, i sometimes try to forget about myself and forget about all my worries just to focus on someone and help him or her.

i know my own flaws, and i know that i'm way too broken and dependent on people. i know that i'm always craving for attention, that's why i'm always needing someone. it's not a matter of just saying that you'll be there, but also if you will actually listen, give advice, feel empathy and not sympathy.


honestly i forgot why i even made a point to write this in the first place. staring into space, thinking of what happened on 16/5. i went off topic again, i guess.